Taking a break from blogging, reviewing, and twitter

Hey everyone. Many of you know that I'm going through a rough patch right now, and emotionally I'm not coping. I'm not coping at all actually, so much that I'm struggling to look after myself. Even doing the washing-up or cooking is such a challenge right now, and most of the time, ends in me bursting in tears and experiencing a full on panic attack.
I've suffered from depression for most of my life, everyday is a challenge for me as I struggle to keep it under control. Right now, I've lost that control, and when this happens it is bad.

The last time I got this bad, was a few years back. My mother have kicked me out of home, I had also just broken off my engagement with a church guy, and I had no income to support myself - the government only provided me with £1.38 each week for food. Being under 18 and homeless in the UK kinda sucks if you don't live in a big city with shelters.

I ended up living at my partners, where I spent over 6 months in bed. I was very suicidal. I didn't eat. I self harmed. I cried all the time, well more like screamed. I didn't wash. I didn't speak. I must've been a nightmare to look after. My OH was always there for me, and did an amazing job at helping me.

Now I'm showing a lot of those traits again, but this time I'm living by myself. I'm not washing, I'm not eating, I'm panicking a lot, and I'm not leaving my bed. My thought patterns very negative, and uncontrollable, and I've started to self harm again. On top of it, it doesn't help that I've just had bronchitis which developed into pneumonia, and it feels like it's coming back already or I just haven't recovered from it.

Due to money and things, it worked out better to move out of my OH's, but also, he happens to live with his parents.

He, himself isn't very well, and really isn't able to look after me right now, like he use to. Also, the other two very important men in my life aren't able to help me right now as they are at UNI. I only really have one real close friend who would be able to help me, but she'svery busy with work. I don't really have any family who can help either.

After chatting with my doctor, it's been suggested I self section myself. This is something I've been avoiding a good part of my teenage and young adult life. But, really, I agree with my doctor. I know what I'm like, and I know that during a time like this I need people around me to help out, but also watch me, as I can do some pretty stupid things when panicing. 

The second option is having a mental health nurse come and check on me and help me around the home. I'm still researching about this option. But, even if I opt for this option, I feel a break from online would be good. Although I'm not very comfortable having a stranger come to my home each day.


I still need to arrange putting my rabbits(animals) into a holiday home, and sort out a few things before I make my decision.

Basically, this will mean I won't be on twitter, or anywhere online for a few weeks. I won't be blogging either.


I will write-up a few weeks worth of Toy with me Tuesday posts. Ruffled Sheets will be moderating the link app on my behalf. If you could all try and keep it going while I'm not online, this would make me very happy. Toy with me Tuesday is very important to me, and many others. Please tweet about it, facebook share it, and more. As I won't be able to do this. Ruffled Sheets has offered to keep the @ToyTuesday twitter feed active on my behalf. But most importantly have fun.


It's really my own stupid fault, I fully understand that, but until I can cope with all the emotions behind the mistake I made, I'm not really fit for blogging.


So from today onwards. Nymphomaniac Ness will be put on hold, apart from Toy with me Tuesday. I hope you can all understand, and those of you who have sent me review items recently, I will review them when I'm feeling I'm able to cope better. Hopefully, with the correct help, I should be back in a few weeks time.



This is a very hard thing for me to do. I love sex toys, and really that's part of the reason I got into this mess. I'm not turning my back on sex toys or the community either. I just need a break, as I'm hurting so much right now, I'm just getting overly emotional and it's showing in my tweets. 




But yeah, I'll be back.

Toy with me Tuesday: Death by Orgasm Crypt

It's been awhile since I've been up to taking part in Toy with me Tuesday, although today I've managed to throw something together.

However, it hasn't gone to plan. There seems to be something wrong with my main camera, so I've had to take the photo via my phone. Also, some of the props I wanted to use are being guarded by a massive spider, and my knight in shining PVC isn't able to get over until tomorrow.

Here's a quick photo of a few Death by Orgasm toys, a gothic blindfold, and some zombie hand shoes. 

I may end up putting together more Halloween / gothic style photos throughout November. Hopefully, by then, my camera will be working.

Why not check out other Toy with me Tuesday post by clicking the button below.

Toy with me Tuesday #20

This week many of us will be celebrating Halloween. So why not get into the spirit of things, dig-out your Halloween limited edition toys, and Halloween style props. Are you a witch with her favourite wand? A ghoul with a Frankenstein's bride style Fleshlight as your lover? A vampire with a bitingly cool sex toy?

 

I’ve always liked to take creative pictures of sex toys, but sometimes there isn’t a place to share them. There are only so many pictures one can use within each individual review. So I’ve decided to come up with Toy with me Tuesday where we can share more awesome sex toy pictures. Also, the great thing about Toy with me Tuesday is that it’s not just open to reviewers, anyone is free to take part as long as they follow the guidelines.

Toy with me Tuesday is about getting creative with your artistic side and taking pictures of your sex toy collection. It’s a bit of weekly fun, but make sure you read up on the guidelines before entering. Once you have posted your Toy with me Tuesday blog entry, link to it below using the link tool. Do not link to your home page or a review, it has to specifically link to your Toy with me Tuesday post. If you have any problems feel free to contact me via email: the_nymphomaniac_ness@hotmail.co.uk 



If you are on twitter it’ll be great if you tweet your entry and use hashtag #ToyWithMeTuesday 

Please make sure to check out other people’s posts and comment – you never know, you might find some inspiration for your next entry. 

<div align="center"> <br><a href="http://nymphomaniacness.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/toy-with-me-tuesday-18.html" title="Toy with me Tuesday"><img src="http://i1168.photobucket.com/albums/r500/NymphomaniacNess/toywithmetuesday.jpg" alt="Toy with me Tuesday" style="border:none;" /></a></div> <br>

Personal post:: The toy makers toy

For awhile now, I've been having difficulty expressing myself freely on my own blog. After I started publicly meeting people within the industry, the more I have felt I need to monitor what I say. Particularity as even if I feel like ranting about a company or product a bit, I may a week later find myself in an awkward situation while when drinking cocktail with their personal rep. Now, I have have gone a step too far, and from my critic seat,  have have stupidly gone and broken the number one work and dating rule. I slept with a toy maker and essentially became one of his own toys. You might've read a few previous posts about a lover who didn't understand me, well, that's him. This man has classed me a oversexed, and now seems very bitter the whole event even happened. His hope of having a no-strings affair with me, hasn't ended well at all.

There's two things I've learn.... labeling myself as a nymphomaniac probably influenced the situation. We met via fetlife and actually, I should've read his profile more prior to getting more involved. I've only just read about him looking for a play partner and mistress. I don't do play partners, and even though I can act the mistresses in the bedroom on occasion, I know personally, it's not for me. But, basically, one of his main explanation when describing his expectations from me, was that, he instantly saw me as an oversexed young woman. If any of you know me   you'll know instantly that I am highly sexed - as he put it. But you'd also know how I have serious poly relationships, many lasting over 5 years. It's not all about sex and we aim to make each other happy, and at first, this was one of my motivations with the toy maker, to make him happy. And while you may feel this makes me less of of a nympho, on the contrary, I still think about sex more than the average person would willingly admit, and actually have a lot of sex and masturbate probably too much - that my figures feel as if I've soaked them in moisturizer mitts each night before bed.

The next thing I learned, is to never sleep with anyone I basically have to work with. When studying psychology, I wondered why this rule was drilled into us so much. I did at time have my own personal fantasies about sleeping with a lab researcher, or similar, but felt that the complications would be too much. This, up-until recently, was something I understood should stay as fantasy. I have now experienced sleeping with someone, who basically I have to work with, and the outcome isn't pleasant. I'm hurt, and whilst I dislike how this man has used age against me, as he is in his 40s, I am starting to feel like that vulnerable under 25 with their embarrassing rail photo card, questioning not only my work ethics as a sex blogger, but feeling that I shouldn't even be a sex blogger as according to him, I lack experience and adult reasoning when it comes to casual sex. Personally, I thought my morals and rules behind my sex life and relationships, where very adult, and this man has made me break them.


I'm not stuck, and basically being threatened by him, to keep quiet. I've written thousands of words on the whole affair, from when he first came to mine asking to try on a cock ring - which actually I was ok with at first, as basically seeing a cock ring on a man is just another day as a sex blogger, but actually then being asked to help keep him erect wasn't, and I should've trusted my nervous exterior and refused. God my arms were shaking, and he felt that it was because I was gagging for cock. Granted, it's hard not to be turned on, when a man has a hard-on in front of you. But I was nervous, as really I wanted to keep it professional. This is where Johnson and Masters went wrong, they mixed work and pleasure. I understand some can do it, but not me. I test toys with my partners, but other than that, it doesn't go further.

Essentially, I learned that even though I love the idea of sex researching everything to do with sex toys, I now know that one should not sleep with the creators, and that also one should not test sex toys with them purely because they are seen as a nymphomaniac.

I like Kinsey's theory of a nymphomaniac, about it describing a woman who has more sex than the average or yourself. Yet, society seems to make such a negative thing about it, these women are basically sexual deviants, and thus have to live-up to these expectations.

But yeah, I know this is a bit of a ramble, but it's clearer than my twitter rant yesterday, where I was extremely upset. I really shouldn't have spoken to him, particularly as he basically told me that I'm not important to him at all. Which again, me being my under 25 self, use to feel he was important to me.... and yes  he still actually is. Particularly as the whole affair took up over 6 months of my life, impacted my relationships, and was my first negative experience within the sex industry and community. And apparently if I do blog about it, it could result in some kind or negative legal action.... well according to him. But I need a rant, an outlet, as frankly I was on the phone in tears to my mother yesterday, for the first time in years. And bless her, she didn't understand a thing I was saying as it involved talking about sex toys, the sex industry, and sex blogging.

Ann Summers Fifty Shades Ladies Night

I had only just started to recover from being unwell – thanks Hella, Red wine and vegetable stew has done the trick! It’s the first night in ages I have done anything other than bed rest, and I knew I wanted to get straight on with work. I visited a local cocktail bar to expand on one of my projects. Friday night, and going to a cocktail bar whilst still feeling unwell was a bit brave. Oddly enough, I didn’t have to worry too much about the bar being packed-out, but then I somehow found myself attending a Fifty Shades of Grey style event, hosted by the local Ann Summers team.

After purchasing a ticket for a tenner, I sat and waited for the event to start. The bar was starting to fill-up with women, many wearing masquerade masks. Some wearing corsets, whilst others wearing leggings and Top Shop tunics, one lady dressed-up in an Ann Summer police outfit and fishnet stockings, and a woman wearing a leather corset and studded collar. I briefly chatted to the woman dressed in the more extreme bondage attire, and asked why she had chosen to wear that particular outfit, she replied “Well you need to dress-up sometimes and have some fun.” And apparently this event gave her the courage to do so. There were over forty women eagerly waiting for the event to start. I spoke with Claire, Ann Summers party organiser for the night, and apparently they would normally get well over a hundred and fifty women attending ladies nights. This made me wonder whether or not the Fifty Shades effect was starting to wear off.

The women gathered upstairs into the bars private lounge, and were greeted by two topless butlers. The lounge was split into two divisions, a VIP area where women were allowed to browse Ann Summers products whilst nibbling on chocolate coated strawberries and sipping champagne - this cost an additional £3.50 but did include the drink. The other section was the bar and dance floor, where women could mingle amongst themselves and just relax. Most of the women kept within their own groups but seemed to be enjoying themselves. I spoke with two women about erotica and Fifty Shades, and they commented on how much they liked the books, but they wanted less of the filler and more of the smut. 

Naked Butler Teee

The night progressed; the hosts put together a game involving spoons and the phrases such as submissive and Dominate. It reminded me of the games I played at Girl Guides – Ann Summers parties, Girl Guides for adults. After this, the women were giggling and having fun.

The main entertainment had arrived. The dance floor illuminated, and then suddenly a drag queen appeared on the dance floor, wearing a sequin gold dress, some killer PVC heels, and donning a bleach blonde wig. Crystal had travelled all the way from London to perform a mixture of musical numbers and gender stereotypical comedy banter, leaving many in fits of hysterics.

After half an hour, a male stripper strutted onto the floor wearing white sportswear. He carefully stripped down some black boxers, and then revealing union jack briefs and knee padding. Yes stripping is a dangerous career, and protection is needed. The ladies all cheered for him to waggle his extremely long cock for a few minutes, before Crystal returned to the stage. More vocalised renditions filled the room, toppling above the women’s natter. Crystal took another break to catch their breath, and the Ann Summers team went around selling raffle tickets. Raffle prizes being a We-Vibe 3, various Rocks-Off bullets, and some Fun Factory toys.

One woman had won a Rock-off Soft-tip bullet and took some time working out how to turn it on and get it working. She felt alright getting the bullet out, even though there were other 40 other women present. 

Crystal arrived back on, this time selecting a young girl from the audience who had only just turned 18. The girl had attended with her mother as an eighteenth Birthday treat. Crystal jokily asked the girl about her sex life, and even got her mother to dish some dirt. When Crystal found out about the girls partner, the main focus was pinned onto the girls boyfriends cock size. The girl blushing shyly, too embarrassed to answer, Crystal then pulled down their knickers and grabbed the girls hand so she could fondle Crystal’s genitals for an on-the-spot comparisons. Later that evening I asked the girl about her feeling about being publically humiliated like that, she replied that she didn’t know what to expect when attending the night, and whilst embarrassed about it, felt that it was still fun.

Stripper number two took to the floor, wearing a green military style outfit. He grabbed a seemingly willing woman from the audience and placed her onto a chair. Sensually blindfolding her, before pulling-out a double Doc Johnson PVC dong, and getting her to grope it.  Next he erotically got her to kneel in front of his crotch, whipping off his belt and flicking it round her neck. She bobbed her head back and forth as if she was performing a phantom blowjob. Next she was crawling on the floor, her arse raised high whilst the stripper spanked her with his belt. Her heels drag on the ground with every hit. The crowed watched in amazement, as the woman was enjoying this act. 

Act two of the stripper’s performance included another woman from the audience. Placing her onto the chair, he handcuffed her, then positioning her onto the floor in-front of his penis. Draping a union jack flag over her head, so she could enjoy her own private peep show.

The night ended with a duet from Crystal, and party planner Claire. It reminded me of a Butlins holiday park style Saturday night show, although, again more for the adult audience rather than the universal family. At the end of the evening I asked a few of the women about their thoughts about the whole night, one even said that it was awesome, and that they will attend another in the future, classing it as the female version of the traditional lads night out which often is filled with strip clubs and football, ending on one final statement she said “women want sleaze”. 

Group of random girls

The main focus of the evening was mostly on “willies”, rather than Fifty Shades. It was like the modern masquerade ball with debauchery, with LMAO and Lady Gaga being the soundtrack for the night. Women were in high spirits about having this opportunity for female secrecy, yet whilst finding a place they felt they could all be open and honest amongst one another, without the qualm of male judgement. The night was enjoyable, and many friendships were formed, although due to intoxication most may not remember. 

I'm mostly left wondering why both strippers were kitted-out with knee pads? 

Toy with me Tuesday #19

With many Toy with me Tuesday bloggers being challenged by winter illnesses; this week, why not try and take a photo which will help cheer those who are under the weather. 

The 21st of October was International Fisting Day - a day aimed at highlighting the enjoyment received from fisting, but also how to partake in fisting safely. If you own any fisting toys, why not show them off?

In the spirit of Halloween this month, why not dig out your scary sex toys, the ones which you grossly dislike, and get artist with them - creating something fun out them. 

I’ve always liked to take creative pictures of sex toys, but sometimes there isn’t a place to share them. There are only so many pictures one can use within each individual review. So I’ve decided to come up with Toy with me Tuesday where we can share more awesome sex toy pictures. Also, the great thing about Toy with me Tuesday is that it’s not just open to reviewers, anyone is free to take part as long as they follow the guidelines.

Toy with me Tuesday is about getting creative with your artistic side and taking pictures of your sex toy collection. It’s a bit of weekly fun, but make sure you read up on the guidelines before entering. Once you have posted your Toy with me Tuesday blog entry, link to it below using the link tool. Do not link to your home page or a review, it has to specifically link to your Toy with me Tuesday post. If you have any problems feel free to contact me via email: the_nymphomaniac_ness@hotmail.co.uk 



If you are on twitter it’ll be great if you tweet your entry and use hashtag #ToyWithMeTuesday 

Please make sure to check out other people’s posts and comment – you never know, you might find some inspiration for your next entry. 

<div align="center"> <br><a href="http://nymphomaniacness.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/toy-with-me-tuesday-18.html" title="Toy with me Tuesday"><img src="http://i1168.photobucket.com/albums/r500/NymphomaniacNess/toywithmetuesday.jpg" alt="Toy with me Tuesday" style="border:none;" /></a></div> <br>

Personal Post: Sex toy reviewing

Over the past few months you may have noticed less and less reviews. I've been trying to expand my blog a bit more and still keep up regular posts. I've introduced things like Toy with me Tuesday, Sex toy Smut, and the odd interview with an external sex toy reviewer. At the same time my real life has become very busy, and while I wanted to keep up with all the blog posts, I haven't been able to. This is partly because the process I go through with each sex toy review is getting longer and longer, and you may have noticed that some of my reviews have become bigger. I aim to try and include as much information as possible in my reviews, and although I have written smaller reviews, and even smaller versions of the same review under a few different reviewer names. These longer reviews are the ones I most enjoy writing and I don't plan to change my style for this blog. If anything, in the future, I wish to have a summary for each review, as well as still providing you all with all the information you may need / want :-).

I'm getting more involved with the behind the scenes in the sex toy world as well as sex education. A lot of this is me travelling and meeting with companies, attending course, home study, as well as extra study.

I also have a few other projects - some of these are pretty big. I've spent the good part of this year going round in circles, trying to figure out what to do. Trying to do things for other people more, rather than myself too. At first it wasn't too bad, I really enjoy helping people achieve their goals, but I neglected myself. I'm now hoping to focus on doing things for myself. 

For this to happen, reviews will become less and less. I will still be taking on some new review items, but only a few. I have some items I need either write reviews for, proof read, or even just take photos. So for the time being I should still be able to keep you all informed about what toys are awesome, and what toys are a bit meh. 

All my projects are still about sex, sex toys, and relationships. I'm hoping to get some of them finished within the next 6 months.

I still aim to post Toy with me Tuesday once a week, although, I will be doing the round-up once a month rather than every 2 weeks. If possible, I would like your input more when I'm writing the round-ups, even just commenting on the weekly link list about which photos you thought were awesome would be cool - I will keep these posts anonymous and hidden, although if you make a super cool comment, you may get quoted in the round-up and linked back to!

But yeah, rather than getting stressed trying to work out what to do and doing things for everyone else, I'm gonna chill and try it my way. Although, I'll actually be working harder than I have ever done before.

Personal Post: Rambles about gut instinct

The gut...

During our day to day lives, our digestives system and general body reflexes, from  raised heart rate and sweats, to butterflies, can all be felt mostly in our gut. Things like IBS and indigestion have a big infulence on our gut, gag, and if appropriate - gender wise - our vag(ina). These influences can be affected via stress, or other external stimuli. Heck, it's so complex I don't know where it started, and even scientists are led into a spiraling circle which doesn't lead to a valid conclusion.

 According to some evolutionists, gut instinct and reaction is a natural response, which has developed as a way for our bodies and minds to protect us. I know I follow some principles which evolutionists conform to, but also I have learned through my experiences and study that the gut reflex is not as simple as some make out. Everyone seems to have a different response which is influenced via a different cue - mostly external, but sometimes internal.

For along time I didn't understand my gut instinct, I knew I had one, but it made very little sense.

My first knowledgeable recognitions of my gut instinct, were when I was younger, probably 3-5 years. I remember crying, huddled in a corner, hiding away from something. For me, this something involved a person, probably a sibling or class mate, who had been a bit of a bully. Throughout the years similar things happened, I had the stomach pains, the heart rate rising, the wanting to run and hide at the same time. But for me, this always happened when someone was trying to affect my behavior, try and change me or take advantage of me. 

I was told whilst growing up that I had to learn to control these feelings, these natural responses to protect myself. I eventually managed this, although it might've taken longer than some. When someone threated me, or presented me with an opportunity which may, or may not, lead to my demise, I walk past it blankly, motionlessly.  Well, I tried, if anything I bottled it up.

For along time this made me forget I had these biological reactions, which were there to protect me. Until, one day, recently it came back with a vengeance. I hurdled over it at first, as I leaped I ignored it, my sweat wept for me (Hell, my hair did too via hair loss). Months passed, I was left incapacitated, worn out and drained, I was yet again that 3-5 year old wanting to hide and creep under the covers. I hid, I hid into the deepest and darkest corner I could find. I kept quiet.

This is when I relised how ignoring my gut instinct trapped me. Once this very bad event had easily battled through my lack of defense systems, which should've stayed in place, the bad external stimuli keeping me there didn't have to do much to restrain me into this corner. And, for awhile, this bad negative external stimuli apparently had even left me without knowing. I was trapped, I trapped myself, although originally this wasn't the case. At first I was trapped by this bully. I tried escaping a few times, but due to this event, this person, they managed to find a way back easily, to push me back down there. It really didn't take much, as I didn't trust my natural instincts, I didn't listen to my gut.

I did climb out of it eventually. It was a bit of a confused head rush, my sudden gut reflex gaining power, but I managed it. I learned that in the future, for the benefits of the people around me and myself, it's better to be that 3-5year old, to have those vocal panics, those kicking and screaming fits. I'm not saying that they should be a long term solution, but sometimes it's better to get the brutal honesty, and radical behavior over and done with with, before you get trapped, hurt, manipulated, and stuck. Also, it saves time.... trust me, being stuck in that dark corner for months and even years isn't pleasant - your mind tallies every event, and you'll quickly run out of chalk to record it methodically and logically, mildew will soon form over the wall space covering those tiny fragments you've tried to preserve as back-up, and sooner or later the wall / corner will corrode and you'll be left with a cold harsh chilling wind constantly nagging you.


Again, sorry for the typos... I just write rambles, I let them flow, I let them be organic. But yeah. Trust your gut! 

Toy with me Tuesday #18

This year National Kink month has been officially declared, so why not get kinky with this weeks Toy with me Tuesday photography? "Kinky sex is based on experimentation, adventure, and exploration of roles and dynamics that are often different from the day-to-day lives we lead. Halloween, for adults, is an occasion for playing with sexy costumes, assumed identities, and the enjoyment or humor in the darker side of life. (Think of 'The Addams Family.') Kink, Halloween, and the month of October are a natural fit." Check-out this article to find out more: October Is National Kink Month.

In the spirit of Halloween this month, why not dig out your scary sex toys, the ones which you grossly dislike, and get artist with them - creating something fun out them. 

I’ve always liked to take creative pictures of sex toys, but sometimes there isn’t a place to share them. There are only so many pictures one can use within each individual review. So I’ve decided to come up with Toy with me Tuesday where we can share more awesome sex toy pictures. Also, the great thing about Toy with me Tuesday is that it’s not just open to reviewers, anyone is free to take part as long as they follow the guidelines.

Toy with me Tuesday is about getting creative with your artistic side and taking pictures of your sex toy collection. It’s a bit of weekly fun, but make sure you read up on the guidelines before entering. Once you have posted your Toy with me Tuesday blog entry, link to it below using the link tool. Do not link to your home page or a review, it has to specifically link to your Toy with me Tuesday post. If you have any problems feel free to contact me via email: the_nymphomaniac_ness@hotmail.co.uk 



If you are on twitter it’ll be great if you tweet your entry and use hashtag #ToyWithMeTuesday 

Please make sure to check out other people’s posts and comment – you never know, you might find some inspiration for your next entry. 

<div align="center"> <br><a href="http://nymphomaniacness.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/toy-with-me-tuesday-18.html" title="Toy with me Tuesday"><img src="http://i1168.photobucket.com/albums/r500/NymphomaniacNess/toywithmetuesday.jpg" alt="Toy with me Tuesday" style="border:none;" /></a></div> <br>

Personal Post: How casual sex didn't end well for me

I tend to avoid writing too many personal posts, but recently I've felt the need to have somewhere to discuss some of my more personal information in detail. Being involved in multiple relationships, I feel I have a duty to try and keep most of it privately, as a way to protect my lovers. Some times this isn't the best option, which I've discovered the hard way. Being polyamory (you'll find an excellent blog post about what is polymory by Hella here), as with every relationship, has rules. I knew at around 13 that I was poly, it wasn't until I was 15 that I experimented with polygamous relationships. As with any relationship, I developed my own rules rapidly, as a way to help protect the people I cared about but also protect myself.

These rules are pretty basic and I'm certain many apply them to monoganous relationships too. Here's a quick idea of some of the rules I've used, to make my relationships safe and successful:

* All partners must make sure they undergo regular STI tests. 
* Following on from this, partners must use condoms and dams during sexual activity.
* Avoiding one night stands - not only because you may not know whether or not someone has an infection, but also it can hurt people emotionally when they find out. Although people who are poly tend to have sexual relationships with multiple partners, they are still relationships, so people can get hurt and some would class one night stands as a form of cheating.

Ok, those all pretty much make sense. Trust me, it's better to have these tests and take precautions, as really I'm can't echo how stressful it is when one of your partners gets an infection or pregnancy scare - it can take months to get every test result back, it makes everyone in the relationship panic, it can cause arguments, it can separate people emotionally, frighten people and make them not want to get involved physically with anyone for ages... anyway it can cause a lot of baggage. 

*Maintain a level of privacy. As with any relationship, everyone has their own secrets which they may not be comfortable sharing with others. To make poly relationships work, you need to respect your partners decision to privacy, as long as it means they or anyone else involved aren't at risk of getting hurt. In the past I've made it important to do this as best as possible. Sometimes my lovers aren't connected together, and I feel that keeping their personal lives separate when talking to other lovers is important. Yes, I will inform other lovers that I am in a relationship, but the information I provide them will be very limited if they aren't involved with them personally too.

*Don't compare each other lovers sexual ability, but also don't talk about each other lovers sexual ability to other lovers. People have different views on what good and bad sex is. But also people can become jealous too. And this has happened to me before, I'm having a good time with a lover and in the middle of sex they've stopped and asked whether or not they are performing better than one of my other sexual partners. It can completely ruin the mood.

*It's not all about sex and orgasms. I have multiple relationships, not just multiple sexual partners. Yes I do end up sleeping with everyone I'm involved with, but it's not about sex, the relationship factor is the most important part of it. We go shopping, out for dinner, play computer games together, just even sit their in silence. We do all that normal relationship stuff you'll find in a mono relationship, and every time we get together it's not allabout sex and doesn't have to lead to orgasms - although it's nice when it does.

*Be honest. If something is making you unhappy, speak up and work through it.

*Don't cheat. Yep, you can still end up cheating even though you're having multiple relationships. You are responsible to inform your partners that you are seeing other people, but also make sure they are ok with it. Sometimes your partners may not be ok with you seeing a certain person, this can be due to that person being abusive, or them having a negative experience with them in the past, or due to other reasons - talk to your partners about it. Trust me, cheating makes you feel guilty, and everyone ends up getting hurt.

*Avoid relationships with people who are in mono relationships where their partners are not ok with them seeing other people. One because this is them cheating, but also it can lead to a lot of complications in the long run.

Basically, these are some of the things I tend to stick to within my relationships. They are basic rules which most people follow in relationships, whether they are mono or poly. I've had some very successful relationships when following these rules, and I've now been in a few of them for over 5 years.

However, recently I broke all my rules, and let's say it hasn't gone well. It's led me to being confused, unsure, and very hurt. I've panicked. I recently got involved with a man who only really saw the sex side to it. I waited and hoped that there would be more, as sometimes these things can develop at a later stage, but no, it wasn't the kind of relationship I'm after and use to. I'm not really someone for casual sex, and this was. I'm also not normally someone to get involved with someone who was in a strict mono relationship. But most importantly, I lied and cheated to my partners, as part of me felt that something good could've developed from it. What was even worse was that I let him him set me up with other guys too. He basically only saw me as poly, and to him that meant multiple sexual partners. But also, I have to say that my choice of career influenced this partly too. The sexual experiences seemed like they would be beneficial at the time, even he felt that. I could explore more fetishes, more sex toys, and more sexual responses. As someone who is interested in learning as much as possible about sex, I felt it might work, but no I just got hurt. I probably still learnt a lot, but the most important factor I've learned is that I just shouldn't have got involved with this guy. I shouldn't have broken my rules, which had kept me safe and my partners safe. I should've listened to the one friend I could talk to about it all too. Now I'm left very hurt, going through all the emotions one would after a hard break-up, as well as having to fix my other relationships, although to him we never really had a relationship... to him it was just good sex. There's still loads more complications surrounding all this which I'm not ready to go into details, and really probably shouldn't. But the best advise I can offer to anyone who may make a similar mistake, is talk things through with your partner(s), but also if you have a set of guidelines and rules for helping you deal with relationships, stick to them. As if you don't stick to them, not only could you be betraying other people, but really you are betraying yourself.

Toy with me Tuesday: Eve in Eden

As I'm a little rushed for time, getting ready for my course tomorrow, I'm using a photo from my archive. The photo below is of the SinFive Eve. I'll hopefully find more time to take a new and exciting photo later this week =).

Toy with me Tuesday #17

This week is National Chocolate Week, which is the perfect event to gear your taste buds up for the overindulgence of Halloween trick or treat sweet hoards. If you’re a kinkster who loves chocolate as well as sex toys, why not combine the two in your Toy with me Tuesday blog post this week? You can reward yourself by consuming the chocolaty props afterwards too!

   

I’ve always liked to take creative pictures of sex toys, but sometimes there isn’t a place to share them. There are only so many pictures one can use within each individual review. So I’ve decided to come up with Toy with me Tuesday where we can share more awesome sex toy pictures. Also, the great thing about Toy with me Tuesday is that it’s not just open to reviewers, anyone is free to take part as long as they follow the guidelines.

Toy with me Tuesday is about getting creative with your artistic side and taking pictures of your sex toy collection. It’s a bit of weekly fun, but make sure you read up on the guidelines before entering. Once you have posted your Toy with me Tuesday blog entry, link to it below using the link tool. Do not link to your home page or a review, it has to specifically link to your Toy with me Tuesday post. If you have any problems feel free to contact me via email: the_nymphomaniac_ness@hotmail.co.uk 



If you are on twitter it’ll be great if you tweet your entry and use hashtag #ToyWithMeTuesday 

Please make sure to check out other people’s posts and comment – you never know, you might find some inspiration for your next entry. 

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