Hey everyone. Many of you know that I'm going through a rough patch right now, and emotionally I'm not coping. I'm not coping at all actually, so much that I'm struggling to look after myself. Even doing the washing-up or cooking is such a challenge right now, and most of the time, ends in me bursting in tears and experiencing a full on panic attack.
I've suffered from depression for most of my life, everyday is a challenge for me as I struggle to keep it under control. Right now, I've lost that control, and when this happens it is bad.
The last time I got this bad, was a few years back. My mother have kicked me out of home, I had also just broken off my engagement with a church guy, and I had no income to support myself - the government only provided me with £1.38 each week for food. Being under 18 and homeless in the UK kinda sucks if you don't live in a big city with shelters.
I ended up living at my partners, where I spent over 6 months in bed. I was very suicidal. I didn't eat. I self harmed. I cried all the time, well more like screamed. I didn't wash. I didn't speak. I must've been a nightmare to look after. My OH was always there for me, and did an amazing job at helping me.
Now I'm showing a lot of those traits again, but this time I'm living by myself. I'm not washing, I'm not eating, I'm panicking a lot, and I'm not leaving my bed. My thought patterns very negative, and uncontrollable, and I've started to self harm again. On top of it, it doesn't help that I've just had bronchitis which developed into pneumonia, and it feels like it's coming back already or I just haven't recovered from it.
Due to money and things, it worked out better to move out of my OH's, but also, he happens to live with his parents.
He, himself isn't very well, and really isn't able to look after me right now, like he use to. Also, the other two very important men in my life aren't able to help me right now as they are at UNI. I only really have one real close friend who would be able to help me, but she'svery busy with work. I don't really have any family who can help either.
After chatting with my doctor, it's been suggested I self section myself. This is something I've been avoiding a good part of my teenage and young adult life. But, really, I agree with my doctor. I know what I'm like, and I know that during a time like this I need people around me to help out, but also watch me, as I can do some pretty stupid things when panicing.
The second option is having a mental health nurse come and check on me and help me around the home. I'm still researching about this option. But, even if I opt for this option, I feel a break from online would be good. Although I'm not very comfortable having a stranger come to my home each day.
I still need to arrange putting my rabbits(animals) into a holiday home, and sort out a few things before I make my decision.
Basically, this will mean I won't be on twitter, or anywhere online for a few weeks. I won't be blogging either.
I will write-up a few weeks worth of Toy with me Tuesday posts. Ruffled Sheets will be moderating the link app on my behalf. If you could all try and keep it going while I'm not online, this would make me very happy. Toy with me Tuesday is very important to me, and many others. Please tweet about it, facebook share it, and more. As I won't be able to do this. Ruffled Sheets has offered to keep the @ToyTuesday twitter feed active on my behalf. But most importantly have fun.
It's really my own stupid fault, I fully understand that, but until I can cope with all the emotions behind the mistake I made, I'm not really fit for blogging.
So from today onwards. Nymphomaniac Ness will be put on hold, apart from Toy with me Tuesday. I hope you can all understand, and those of you who have sent me review items recently, I will review them when I'm feeling I'm able to cope better. Hopefully, with the correct help, I should be back in a few weeks time.
This is a very hard thing for me to do. I love sex toys, and really that's part of the reason I got into this mess. I'm not turning my back on sex toys or the community either. I just need a break, as I'm hurting so much right now, I'm just getting overly emotional and it's showing in my tweets.
But yeah, I'll be back.
I hope you start to feel better soon. Depression can be such a debilitating thing to suffer with.
ReplyDeleteAgree, I'm not sure if I am better yet, I just know I need to get back to things soon =)
Deletewell done for being so brave and get better soon!
ReplyDeleteThank you =)
DeleteNot sure if this will reach you but know that we're here for you Ness. :)
ReplyDelete*Hugs*
DeleteI hope you'll be fine after your break NymphomaniacNess. We'll be waiting for your blogs and we won't let #ToyWithMeTuesday die! Prommis!!Don't worry about that, you can sleep well. We will miss you. I kind of know what you've been going thru cause I have a family member who is dealing with that problem as well. And there are good and bad days but it's not the end of the world if you have good people around you who can help you, even if it's just your doctor. It is really hard but you can't give up girl! The world is waiting for you and if you need a break that's fine.
ReplyDeleteHope to hear you soon:)
Take care of yourself Nymph
Thank you, yes the hard days are very tricky. Today I'm having a good day. Hopefully I'll start to have more of them soon.
Delete=)
You are doing the right thing. You must take care of yourself. Toy with Me Tuesday is in good hands with Andy. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI'm really bad at taking breaks, but having Andy there has been a big help. As you noticed I keep blogging, but knowing that he is able to help means for much, and helps lift some of the stress of things =) Thank you for your comment, My blog will be slower than normal, but I will get back to it properly soon =)
DeleteI wish you all the best Ness. Having had some similar patterns of behaviour in the past I don't even want to imagine what you're going through. Please do all you need to find that road to wellness again. We will be here for you when you return.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I'm finding it hard, taking a break from blogging is harder and actually blogging seems to be helping me. A few days break helped made me realise like - I must seem like such a light weight ;-)
DeleteNess, you take all the time that your need to get past this rough patch.
ReplyDeleteI truly hope that you will have someone in your corner to help you through this.
If you need a friend, please don't hesitate to shoot me an email. I know you don't know me and vise versa, but I am a long time follower of yours, and I have gone through similar situations such as yours.
I send you my most positive thoughts for a quick recovery. And Big HUGS!!!!
Thank you for your message. I'm getting there. I'm surprised by how many people I have there for me. It's helping me a lot =) Thanks.
DeleteHey there, I've been a fan of your website for a long time, and I wanted to write my support in your difficult period of time. I've barely been able to come out of a very similar depression maybe 3-4 days ago and feel more motivation to look forward. I really know the feeling; not showering for days, just wanting to hide from the world, no energy, etc. For me, chronic depression has been a regular problem for years and after trying different options for many years with it still bothering me, I did hit a point where I didn't feel any hope for it to get better. It really seems impossible, but even a little support from a friend or family member pickin you up from your pieces helps to atleast have solid footing when trying to recover. I found I really did need someone to help me help myself. If you ever want someone to talk to, I'm here on twitter @ToyFemme .
ReplyDelete